Hello again, people!
So, Riz, you might be asking, what happened to your book obsession? Why aren't you talking about it as much anymore? Well, in short, it has changed. I mean, it's not that I'm not reading anymore or I've stopped buying books altogether. It's nothing like that. I even got loads of books for my birthday a few months ago. It's just I don't see myself being as excited about books as I was a couple years back. Maybe I'm just in a huge reading slump. I don't really know. It's saddening, really. I hate feeling like this.
It probably started during my foundation studies period when I have anxiety attacks and depression episodes almost daily. I can't really be excited about things anymore and just become this lump of emotionally non-functioning human. I'm not ready to talk about this yet so I'll just leave it at that. Point is that it was the moment when my motivation for reading (or anything, really) kind of go down the hill. I mean, I still liked watching videos about books on youtube but I kind of drift away from reading book reviews. I don't even open my goodreads account anymore. If you see the widget in the right side of this blog, you'll notice that I've only read four books this year. That's kind of sad.
I'm actually in the middle of reading Champion by Marie Lu and it's a great book. I really like how it's going. The thing is, I've been in the middle of that book for months. And I hate that it's been months that I'm standing in the same spot. As I said, the plot is going really nicely. So, obviously, it's nothing to do with the quality of the book. That only leaves me with one reason. Me. Something is wrong with me.
As you probably know from my last post, I'm home now. I reason that I've not been reading here because there are a lot of manga and I can access the internet 24/7 without needing to go to the library like I do in Australia. But even in places that I have books laid in front of my eyes, I never choose to read them. Instead, I read short stories on the internet. I am so angry at myself when I figure that out. I try everything to go back to reading again. If you remember, I tried doing the week-long read-a-thon and it was a complete fail. I felt really saddened by that. I mean, I read two (three?) whole books but I just didn't feel the kick of wanting to read more books after that. I just read for the sake of the marathon and not because I really did want to read.
It's kind of depressing how it has changed for the worse. I remember being so excited to read a book after I bought it but it's not at all like that now. When I buy a book, it feels nice to hold it in my hand but as soon as I get home, I just put it in my bookcase and never touch it again for the next few months or even years. I hate it. I don't want to not be happy about books. It is what I feel like has shaped me as a person (other than the internet) today. I don't want to walk away from it but at the same time, I don't want to feel obligated to read because I'm guilty about it.
I don't know how to feel about this, I'm sorry for the complains I have put you guys through with these posts these days. I just need to get things out my chest before it kills me. And with all the stress of my exams a few weeks ago I kind of get mood swings so unreasonably. I don't know. I'm sorry. Bye.
Riz
